This great video by Nike Foundation, called The Girl Effect, has been covered on Katya's Nonprofit Marketing Blog and over at GlobalGiving but I thought I'd add my 2 cents.
1) The music rocks! Consider adding music to your online work. Music engenders feelings and people connect to feelings.
2) The text rocks! Words are even more powerful when they are
Think E.E. Cummings.
3) The narrative rocks! Much has been said about using stories to "make the case." People think and remember in narrative. Consider creating a tale to tell others about what you do and why it's important!
4) The call to action falls short! This video needs a clearer, more dramatic, more creative CALL to ACTION.